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Below are the 16 most recent journal entries recorded in porker11474's LiveJournal:

Wednesday, February 13th, 2008
2:03 pm
So today I am super tired because I more or less didn't get any sleep last night. Then on top of that, I feel pretty depressed over nothing. It's basically the type of depressed that one would feel after being dumped/rejected. But yeah thats life right now.
Wednesday, November 28th, 2007
4:38 pm
grrr ... boys are frustrating!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! thats all i have to say for now.

Current Mood: blah
Monday, November 19th, 2007
10:04 pm
Quick update ...
So I haven't posted on here in quite a while ... so I thought I would. But there isn't really anything to post. Guys are stupid .. like always. School sucks ... like always.

Well I did go to my sister's wedding this past weekend which was pretty cool. I was the Maid of Honor and it was down in St. Louis, MO in which it was gorgeous outside (meaning in the 60's). It was an all around beautiful wedding, and was loads of fun.

There is this one guy that I have recently started talking to, well kind of talking to, this really cute guy who seems really cool. But with breaking up with my ex about a month ago or so cus he treated me kind of less than friend (or so it seemed), and then 2 guys saying how they wanted to hang out and be friends and then completely stopped talking to me. That was not cool at all. So with this guy that seems really cool, I feel a bit cautious with. I don't know if it shows at all or not, or what all shows right now, but I am a bit worried on what to do and what he thinks. I have no idea really.

Other then that, I feel swamped with school work. I'm glad I'll be going on break tomorrow after classes. I just wish my life wasn't so confusing, and that I knew what the hell was going on and that I knew what to do about things. Oh well, what can ya do eh?
Sunday, September 30th, 2007
5:24 pm
guys suck!!!
why do guys have to be the way that they are??? GRRRRRR!!!!!!!!!!!!!! oh well, maybe i will find a guy who's not so stupid and frustrating and like every other guy out there.
Monday, February 26th, 2007
11:06 am
wow ...
wow ... how long has it been since i wrote in here? i'll get something worth reading up soon!!!
Sunday, January 28th, 2007
12:52 pm
Sunday, October 29th, 2006
1:57 pm
27 of me

LogoThere are:
people with my name
in the U.S.A.

How many have your name?

there's so many people that wanna be like me

Current Mood: moody
Wednesday, September 27th, 2006
12:33 pm
craziness ...
So I had met this freshman at the UD game. He was hanging out with a couple of my friends and myself at brunch just before. So sunday at brunch, I was sitting with him and one of my friends, who's a sophomore now. IT was soo crazy because apparently their older brothers are best friends and my friend who's a sophomore remembers him from middle school. Even his parents remember her and her brother from their Illinois hometown (i don't remember where in Illinois). But out of all of this, I thought that it was funny because he didn't even remember her from middle school. I have no idea why I thought it was so funny.
Sunday, August 27th, 2006
8:16 pm
you know your a freshman if....
You know you're a freshman if ...

You walk into a cafeteria with a bunch of empty seats and ask 'Where do I sit?'

Current Mood: loved
Tuesday, May 9th, 2006
10:25 am
Life ... Thanks to Lauren!!
"What is Life?
Life is a challenge...meet it.
Life is a gift...accept it.
Life is an adventure...dare it.
Life is a sorrow...overcome it.
Life is a tragedy...face it.
Life is a duty...perform it.
Life is a game...play it.
Life is a mystery...unfold it.
Life is a song...sing it.
Life is an opportunity...take it.
Life is a journey...complete it.
Life is a promise...fulfill it.
Life is a beauty...praise it.
Life is a struggle...fight it.
Life is a goal...achieve it.
Life is a puzzle...solve it."

Current Mood: tired
Friday, May 5th, 2006
1:31 pm
Every woman should know .....
..how to quit a job,
break up with a lover,
and confront a friend
without ruining the friendship...

...when to try harder and
when to walk away...

....that she can't change the
length of her calves, the width
of her hips, or the nature of her

...that her childhood may not
have been perfect, but its

...what she would and wouldn't
do for love or more...

..how to live alone.. even if
she doesn't like it...

...whom she can trust,
whom she can't,and why she shouldn't take it personally...

...where to go...
be it to her best friend's kitchen
table or a charming inn in the woods
when her soul needs soothing...

.. what she can and can't
accomplish in a day...
a month...and a year...


Current Mood: tired
Thursday, May 4th, 2006
11:46 pm
and for you....
my heart is aching
cant get you off my mind
i want to love you
with everything i have
i don't think you know
the things you do to me
i'd do anything
to make you understand
to make you feel
what i feel for you
you're all i want
you're all i need
and for you ...
i'd give my world

Current Mood: tired
Wednesday, May 3rd, 2006
7:02 pm
special and rare
Beautiful horizon
Calling my name
Take the risk
Play the game
Don't look back
Forget the pain
What's to lose
Can only gain
My heart is yours
Take it with care
This love for you
Is special and rare
Sunday, April 30th, 2006
4:01 pm
A hard learned lesson ...

A hard learned lesson it was, when you learn that you can not trust people after some of the things they do to you. Though you would think one time through would be more than enough pain to endure. But as for some people, they see it a second time through.

Its hard enough to learn that someone you thought was a friend goes behind your back and calls you a dirty slut. And at the same time, you're trying to deal with 2 guys liking you at the same time. When you make it clear that there is more than that one guy that likes you and you want to figure it out what the hell you  want to do about things, one of them gets all pissed off for no reason, so you try to explain things over again cus they are too stupid to understand in the first place. Though they still are mad at you and you're now pissed off at them, but decide to set a time to hang out with them and just be friends for now. It really would become to the point of not being friends ever again when you find out right before you go hang out with this guy that the girl friend of yours that called you a slut behind your back tells him that he should blow you off. You are really hurt at this point but try your best to deal with things and hang out with this guy. It doesn't help when he gets mad at you for feeling the way you do after hearing that someone wants someone else to blow you off, and says to do that on your own time. And as for the other guy that said that he really likes you, and was kind of jealous when you dated that other guy in the early fall while they were studying abroad, he not only talks to you differently, but is dating someone else.

After going through something like this, you don't want to let anyone else get too close ever again. You don't want to go through this pain again, ever again. But then again, it comes back around your way only a couple short months later. 

A year ago, you meet this guy and he seems like one of the greatest guys ever, if not the greatest. He's really nice, great looking, and can make you laugh and/or smile when you really need to. Early in the relationship, you start to like him. You both are a little flirty, and then the night comes when you kiss him, and he returns the kiss. You think that things may just be going your way, but then a couple days later, he nicely says that he's back with his girlfriend. At first you're like ok whatever, we can still be friends. Then later in the fall, your ex breaks up with you after a month and a half of saying that you're the last girlfriend he has because of all previous relationships went wrong, only to find out 2 weeks after the break up, he's dating someone that he's only known for a month.

Feeling really upset about this and really needing a smile, you're guy friend you met last spring invites you to come hang out. You go down to his place because you're sure he'll make you feel better. That night you meet his brother, who seems really cool as well, and they both easily make you laugh without knowing of what you had just been through. Now you think that you have 2 of the coolest guy friends in the world who can help you through some of the bad times.

You start to hang out with the brother a little more, and then you begin to like him a little more than a friend. At the time it seems right, since you can't seem to have the 1st guy since he has a girlfriend, and you are now single and over your ex. Though you're not sure if you want a boyfriend quite yet, though you're keeping an eye out for someone, and right now you're eye is on the brother. You enjoy being with him partly because of how some things just seem right, and a couple times you start kissing without realizing it til after it starts. Though after a while, you start thinking that you're not going to be anything more than just a friend to him, because you feel like the relationship isn't going any farther. Though you feel a little bit let down by this, you still are friends. And both him and his brother (the first one that was met) can still make you feel better no matter what, because of the laughs and smiles you get when you are dealing with the name calling and the hate you recieve from the 2 people you thought were your friends (mentioned above).

Then you meet their friend, and old lead singer of their band. He seems cool and you start hanging out with him. When you hung out with him, just the 2 of you, he puts his arm around you to cuddle with you and then kisses you. Without realizing it, you kiss him back. After that night, you want to get a hold of him and tell him that you think you're moving too fast, though you can't get a hold of him for like a week. Then when you do get a hold of him, he tells you that he's dating this one other chick, and that you shouldn't IM him everytime he gets on and ask a billion questions and asking if he wants to hang out, only because his girlfriend doesn't like it. Well its too bad that you were just trying to be a friend and ask all those questions to see how he's doing, and wanting to hang out with him so you can tell him that you think you're moving to fast only because you feel more comfortable saying it in person that online. Its also too bad that he didn't tell you sooner that he was dating some chick, otherwise you would have been more careful bout IMing him so much and asking so many questions.

The next day you recieve a wonderful message from him. He left you a message saying that he just wanted to say something but didn't need a response, unless you felt the need to. He said that he thinks its real fucked up that you responded to the 1st guy's girlfriend's blog saying that you know how she feels?? Cause you probably know why she feels that way. He says then says the 1st guy, then his brother, and hey theres me, and he thinks that you should really distance yourself from all of them.

First of all, you only made that comment because you know that feeling, most likely for a different reason than she feels that way. Secondly, if she feels that way because her boyfriend and I had gotten a little close, even for one moment when he made it clear to me that he was single? Then that's pretty pathetic if you ask me. As far as liking the 1st guy, then the brother, and starting to kind of liking the 3rd guy, it was not like you were just going through a line of guys, dropping one as soon as another one came along. Maybe you do start liking a guy kind of fast, but you wouldn't just start liking him then dump him one night and just start liking another guy the next day.

You try to explain it to him, but he just doesn't seem to listen to what you're saying. You can tell this by the way he replies to you. He says that he'll say this as nice as nicely as he can. He says the word is that you were involved with the first guy and got wierd on him, got involved with the brother and got wierd on him. He asks if this is a reoccuring problem or if you're just trying to make friends in a seriously disturbed way. You become seriously confused on what he's trying to say because, yes you've liked the other 2 guys, but moved on in the sense that you knew you weren't going to be anything more than just friends, though you had no idea what he meant when he said you got wierd on the other guys. As far as you know, everything was just fine. Yes, you might have been a little insecure bout who really wanted to be your friend after someone went behind your back with lies, and yes, you did get stressed out a couple of times due to classes handing out homework and tests like there was no tomorrow, but you never thought you got wierd on them. As far as you know, they didn't think that you got wierd on them. 

And you just love how he got stories from all the people that this involved except for you. You're just tickled how you thought that the first two guys you thought were your friends, according to the 3rd guy, must of thought you got wierd on them and never said a fucking thing to you. It is also just so comforting to know that people just think you're one of the worst people ever without hearing your side of things, and not knowing the places you've been, so they wouldn't even understand the things you've said and done. But then you realize that you're better off without them in your life, and that you still have some of the greatest friends who help you out now matter the things you've done, whether they agree with it or not.

This is why I just love how other people just say things. Like how they say it like they know everything about you, everything fucking detail. To be honest, I have made some mistakes that I'm not that proud of, but it really makes me mad that someone makes me out to look like the bad person when I do make some bad mistake. And how some people think they know you well enough to say what they've said, though they really don't know you well enough to say them because they don't really know why you did what you did, and of all the things that you've been through. 

This is why I find it hard sometimes to trust what people say to me. I know that there are people that are completely honest with me, but because of what some people have done to me, I feel hesitant to want to believe things that are said. Its also why I am hesitant to tell people certain things. I know that some things are what need to be said to have a healthy relationship, but at the same time its hard to judge what you can and can't tell some one in fear that they may not like you for it and turn their backs on you, or if its something they'll understand and not judge you for it. It can be hard to tell how close you can let people be. Like you want to be completely honest with them, but you aren't fully sure if you can trust them because of the pain someone else has caused you.

Current Mood: bitchy
Wednesday, March 22nd, 2006
5:04 pm
How to lose a knowledgable stalker in 10 days (or ways) .....
Everyone hates that occasional knowledgable stalker that comes along in life. Nobody really likes the idea of having a stalker sinc by definition is somebody who follows or tries to approach somebody or something stealthily, or by law, somebody who persistently and obsessively harasses somebody else with inappropriate attention. Well here is how to lose a knowledgable stalker in 10 days (or ways).....  1. Flirt horribly .... I mean flirt with your best talent of flirting like you have no talent at it. 2. Be clingly. Really clingy 3. "Orginize" their stuff, and make their room smell 'pretty'. 4. Talk about periods and other femine things men do not want to hear. 5. Meet all their friends. 6. Pay more attention to their friends then them. 7. Talk about how you want to be with someone forever. 8. Leave corny notes for them. 9. Talk about marriage. 10.  Talk about your dream marriage.   If these do not help you in losing a knowledgable stalker in 10 days (or ways) ..... PLEASE SEEK PROFESSIONAL HELP NOW!!!!!!!  (warning: this is not suppose to be or meant to be real help). Quote of the Journal: "What Time of Mood are you in?"
Tuesday, February 14th, 2006
3:52 pm
81 ways to make love without sex.....
Here are 81 ways to make some love without sex ......

1. Wash each others cars together.
2. Write a song for them.
3. Sing that song for them.
4. Make them a card.
5. Give them a candle lit bubble bath.
6. Make a candle lit dinner for them.
7. Cuddle up by the fire.
8. Cuddle up during a movie.
9. Play a game with them.
10. Tease them.
11. Walk hand in hand.
12. Walk arm in arm.
13. Go to the park.
14. Go out to a movie.
15. Go to a play.
16. Go out to dinner.
17. Have a candle lit dinner at home with a friend being the waitor.
18. Give them candy.
19. Give them flowers.
20. Go roller skating.
21. Give them a back rub.
22. Give them a full body rub.
23. Take them to the spa.
24. Go shopping together.
25. Go to the mall.
26. Go out dancing.
27. Dance alone at home.
28. Go to the bars.
29. Hold each other.
30. Count the Stars together.
31. Sleep under the stars.
32. Leave love notes for them all day.
33. Take them to a concert.
34. Announce in front of others how much they mean to you.
35. Flirt with each other.
36. Find out what's special for your lover, and do it.
37. Go fishing.
38. Get your picture taken together.
39. Cook each other's favorite food.
40. Make each other gifts.
41. Listen to each other.
42. Hide a love note where your sweetheart will find it.
43. Leave each other messages on their answering machine.
44. Make a list of things you like about each other.
45. Write a poem about them, for them.
46. Go to the lake.
47. Take pictures of each other.
48. Request songs for each other.
49. Run your fingers through their hair.
50. Sit by a campfire together.
51. Kiss them.
52. Give them butterfly kisses.
53. Read to them.
54. Go to the zoo.
55. Learn something new together.
56. Go to the museum.
57. Go to the science station.
58. Walk along the river.
59. Walk on a trail.
60. Watch a TV show together.
61. Make jokes.
62. Tell each other old jokes.
63. Whisper in their ears.
64. Kiss her in the rain.
65. Tickle her.
66. Hold her when you talk.
67. Tell her she looks beautiful.
68. Look into her eyes when you talk to her.
69. Protect her.
70. Look at her like she's the only girl you see.
71. Tell her stupid jokes.
72. Get her mad and then kiss her.
73. Kiss her forehead.
74. Let her fall asleep in your arms.
75. Pick her up and pretend to throw her into the pool.
76. Make her laugh.
77. Let her laugh at you.
78. Give her a flower that never dies.
79. Surprise her.
80. Pick a wild flower and hand it to her.
81. When you fall in love with her, tell her.
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